Why Do I Feel Alone?

Alone, Searching for something

Alone, Searching for somethingThere are times when we may feel alone. These times may even occur when we have loving family and friends available and present. We may feel guilty for feeling alone. Why do we feel alone at times?
I suppose the answer to this may vary for most all of us. However, we all are human and share that in common. That is what leads me to write this post.
I used to struggle with feeling alone. I truly thought getting married would solve my problem of feeling alone. I did not want to marry to solve the loneliness; I did feel the desire to marry my whole life. However, after being married I felt lonely still. That surprised me. I am sure my wife Lisa wanted to some degree to feel that she was my “everything”. Well, as much as I do love her I did still feel alone. It was as if I had this need that was not fulfilled. I tried to fill this loneliness with dating prior to marriage, with spending time with friends, and after being married I asked my wife for some time with friends, thinking this would fulfill me. Well, I did go out with some guy friends with some regularity. The loneliness¬†was still present.
I was very frustrated with this loneliness. How could this be? I was married. I was active in my church community. I even had five young children with my wife. My mother-in-law lived with us which continues to be a beautiful thing. My parents lived in town. I had a brother and sister in town. But I still felt alone, deep inside.
The search was fruitless for years. The search continued for years.
I can honestly tell you I did find the fulfillment for which I searched for so long. I came across it quite by accident. You see, I met a group of men who had experienced a similar emotion. They had something missing from their life. We all found the answer in very different ways. Yet all our lives the answer was right there in front of us but we were not experiencing it. We perhaps were not open to it. We had filled ourselves with perhaps anger, frustration, worry, and perhaps fear, which did not make us prepared to find the truthful answer which was right in front of us.
That which fulfilled me, that which ended the feeling of being alone, was finding a relationship with our loving God. Now I understand this may be a bit foreign, it may be a bit strange, and it may not make sense at all. I totally understand. I was there. I deeply understand the confusion with this relating to a God who is “not visible” or “not present”. I know. Truly I know.
All I do know is that I was missing something in my life, I was having a very difficult time, I had lost my footing, and I found this fulfillment through a group of men at a retreat at my church who shared similar issues. I entered the retreat wanting something meaningful, and I entered the retreat in a manner which was very open to whatever the retreat was able to provide me. Within 32 hours my life changed immensely and securely for over seven years now as of this posting.
Since that retreat in 2007, I sense God’s presence every hour. I never feel alone. I relate to Him so very often. I do not so much have formal prayer time with Him. I simply share my life with Him, I tell Him of my desires, of my thoughts, of my gratefulness, of my needing His help, of my desires for others, of my love for Him, every hour. I realize this may sound a bit strange. I know. I was gifted with this sense of Him every hour. He is like a best friend who is ever-present to me. No longer do I feel alone. I do feel loved, I do have much faith, and I am joy-filled.
I know this all may sound unreal. But it truly happened to me. It has happened to others, many others, in many different ways. If you are open to having a relationship with our loving God, I invite you to pray for it, to discuss it with a trusted faithful Christian friend, or feel free to contact me in any way you see available within this web page. This life can be so much better; you needn’t feel alone!

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